My greatest Fear

// 26 يوليو, 2010 // مداخل, مشاعري, هذيان

My fear it’s different than the other. I’ll tell you today about something I don’t like to show it to anyone. My fear is my pain, motions and sadness, All of them have been decided to be agents me put in one thing so I decided to ignore them my whole life. When the teacher asked us to right about our fear, I said “No.” with some complains.

Because I don’t know how to describe it, I’ll try to put it in a small story. With a hope that my teacher will not hate it, I’ll write as best as I can.

When i used to be happy all the time, I didn’t know what sadness means. I used to be surrounded from people who like my jokes with laughs and giggles. I used to go to a small coffee shop which I visualize it in my mind in the corner of building doomed to fall. I used to visit this coffee every day. In the coffee i used to set in the corner to see everyone. In the right, there is an old lady which used to flatter on me with her lovely eyes. She likes to be the beautiful woman. She used to receive a phone call at the same time every day. I don’t know from whom, but she used to laugh and laugh loudly. While i was looking at the waitress i forgot the little girl who sales flowers outside so i ran to pay a flowers from her as i usually do to put them in the wait vase which used to be in the end of the table, but the girl refused to sell me instead of that she smiled to me and said” This is a gift for you.” She has given me 3 red roses so i went to my table and I put the roses in the vase. I used to see the same people every day until one day I felt very strange so i went to my room and I laid on my bed to go to the coffee or what i used to call my relaxing spot .I shocked when i saw the flower girl at the front door when i went to her to take the usually roses I smiled to her, but she told me” Do you have been told that I’m a charity, buy or leave.” I left put my mind couldn’t. I entered the coffee shop and i saw the old lady, but she was deferent. Her looks was deferent too. Even the waitress was deferent. She was creepy. The strange thing that she didn’t receive any call so i waited an waited. Minutes after minutes, but nothing changed so i decided to take a walk. I rushed to the door. I felt lost. I couldn’t recognize the colors. The colors blended to black and white only. I felt that I live in a prison or in a dark and wet room and I couldn’t escape.  These were my feeling which was proverbial in those days until I heard laughs and giggles behind the walls of the darkroom. I couldn’t think of anything except how can I bring the light to my darkness. With the laughs I heard a voice calling me from nowhere. I can tell it was from behind the walls. I ran to the wall like a crazy mother who lost her baby and i was kicking and punching the wall with a strong hope that someone will hear me. I tried and tried, but i failed. No one could hear me. Then I realized that I don’t deserve to live in this life. I was afraid. I have not been afraid like this before. I don’t know the way for fear, but I used to live in it. After that a great man came to me and told me” if you were afraid from something, you have to face it. After that you will feel free, but if you run you will never overcome it and it will grow and grow” that was my father who encourage me to erase the fear from my heart. After that I felt of a week thread moving on my hand and stroking my hair. I hold the thread but i was afraid of what’s going to happen later and i was surprised when i saw the source of the thread. It was a small hole in the roof and the biggest surprise that I didn’t see the whole before. I collected everything I can jump on it to reach the hole and finally I felt the light again. The huge problem now that I used to be alone all the time so my fear turned to be something I can’t live without.